Woman’s Moving Reason for Being ‘Heartbroken’ by Best Friend’s Pregnancy

Having a close friend announce that they are expecting is a moment of sheer joy for many, but for some, despite feeling happy for their friend, their news can trigger a potent sense of grief about the fact that their relationship could now change beyond recognition. Newsweek spoke with one such person and an expert on the matter.

Jenna Smith, an actress and teacher who would prefer to keep her location private, felt this unpleasant pang of grief when her best friend announced that she was pregnant. When best friends transition into parents, it can profoundly impact the dynamic of their relationship—and Smith, 32, feels that this is something that has remained largely unspoken about, especially online.

Smith, who also creates content on social media, shared her deeply personal and complex feelings about her friend’s pregnancy on Instagram, sparking widespread discussion about the emotional turmoil people may experience in private during their friends’ public milestones.

“I felt the need to speak about something that I don’t think has been expressed before,” Smith told Newsweek. “I knew that I couldn’t be the only person who felt that way.”

Smith acknowledged that while the announcement of a friend’s pregnancy brings delight, it can also herald a poignant sense of loss.

“Of course, you feel happy and over the moon that your friend is going to have a baby, but also sad that your friendship will never be the same again,” she added.

While divisive, as evidenced by the contrasting opinions in the comments section of her Instagram post, Smith’s experience isn’t isolated. Friendships, especially during school years, play an integral role in one’s development. Transitioning into adulthood, and navigating the substantial changes that come with friends starting families, can be fraught with a mix of emotions and lead to people growing apart.

“In the list of priorities for women, friendships are most likely last on the list…Women barely have enough time for themselves, let alone a friendship,” Smith said.

The issue extends beyond personal feelings, touching on societal expectations and pressures too.

“Women are supposed to put their children and family first,” the actress added. “How could women possibly have time for friendships when they are so busy tending to everyone and everything else.”

This observation has resonated with many of the post’s 3.4 million viewers, including parents, who face similar challenges in maintaining friendships post-children. Even men, regardless of sexual orientation, reached out to Smith, reiterating that the feelings she described transcend gender norms and speak to a universal human experience.

“So many people feel unable to speak about this, and based on the other half of the comments I got, I understand why,” Smith said.

The critical reactions the post garnered ranged from accusations of selfishness, “main character syndrome,” and narcissism, to the outright dismissal of her emotions. However, many also felt seen and validated by Smith’s honesty.

“Some people can’t understand why you don’t ‘only feel happiness’ for the people you love when something exciting happens,” Smith said. “Many people told me that I was making it about myself, that I wasn’t ‘grown’ for thinking like this and that I am toxic and dramatic with attachment issues.

“Many felt personally attacked and assumed that just because I was expressing these feelings, that I was going to abandon my friend,” she added.

The barrage of hurtful comments led Smith to turn her comments off, which prohibits any viewer from seeing the words that had been left or adding more fuel to the fire.

“In some ways, I regret doing that because it took away the opportunity for others to talk about it, and I do think it needs to be talked about without judgment,” she said.

‘This Reaction Is Common’

Licensed psychotherapist Renee Zavislak agrees that the phenomenon is little discussed, despite it being fairly common.

“I have had many female clients over the years who express their honest sadness at learning of a friend’s pregnancy,” Zavislak, who hosts Psycho Therapist: The Podcast, told Newsweek: “Interestingly, this reaction seems to be more common now than it was a decade ago.”

The therapist notes that the central concern is the anticipated change in friendships, as new parents often have less time and emotional bandwidth for their BFFs. Zavislak also nods towards a generational shift influencing these feelings.

Younger generations, particularly millennials, often resist traditional lifestyle expectations, such as strict workweeks and conventional parenthood, citing global issues like climate change and economic instability. The U.S. fertility rate had reached a historic low in 2023, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, which reported that there was a 2 percent decline in births from 2022. This “resistance” of some to this generational move away from traditional values can intensify feelings of disconnect when friends choose paths that do not align and opt to have kids.

“As a result, more of them struggle to accept friends’ pregnancies than their older counterparts did,” Zavislak said. “For them, it is not only the loss of a connection based in time, shared activities, and lifestyle, but also a loss of connection based on worldview.

“This aspect can add sting to an already prickly loss.”

Smith’s story spotlights the need for open, honest conversations about these complex emotions.

“Grief and joy can be felt simultaneously,” she said. “It is absolutely possible to be excited for your friend who is having a baby, but also mourn the way your relationship used to be.”

Encouraging empathy and understanding, Smith believes that acknowledging and discussing these feelings can strengthen friendships rather than damage them. Her own friend, who was referenced in her viral Instagram post, came to accept and understand how she felt about her pregnancy after Smith opened up to her.

As Smith and many others have discovered, the transition to parenthood doesn’t have to signify the end of cherished friendships. The actress feels that addressing the emotional landscape honestly and compassionately can pave the way for new, albeit different, forms of connection and mutual support.

“I think that if your friends want to get you they will find a way to understand,” Smith said.

Her Instagram post had been shared on May 11 under the handle @littlebirdieliving. Viewers were able to see her sitting on the floor with text overlaying, “POV: [Point of view] Your best friend is pregnant and you are secretly heartbroken for the death of your friendship as you know it.”

Are you and your friend stuck in an argument? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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