A reader bristles at the child care that her mother-in-law provides for her wealthy daughter, who the reader doesn’t think needs free help as much as she does.
I am a married woman with two young kids. Our family moved to Dallas during the pandemic to be close to my in-laws — and for the help they would give us. So far, we haven’t gotten much, and I am beyond frustrated. My wealthy sister-in-law, who doesn’t work, treats my mother-in-law like a live-in nanny. She travels frequently and leaves her children with her parents. So, my husband and I, who work full time, get little help. We are exhausted! What should I do? I think my sister-in-law is taking advantage of her mother, but I feel uncomfortable asking for help because my mother-in-law is so tired. Also, my sister-in-law has access to nannies. Help!
DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
I sympathize with any parent struggling to find good, affordable child care. But unless you omitted some important details here, you and your husband seem to have misjudged the situation in Dallas. Before you moved, did your in-laws offer to help with the children? Did you ask them if they would? Because if child care was a major reason for relocating, discussing it with them was essential.
Now, I understand that you believe your sister-in-law is better able to pay for child care than you are. But you must also see that a daughter asking her mother for help may register differently from a daughter-in-law asking for the same. (Not always, but often.) And that leads to another question: Where is your husband in all this? It’s his mother whom you expect to mind your children!
I also sympathize with your mother-in-law: She is being worked to exhaustion by one adult child, while the wife of another child waits impatiently in the wings. To me, the solution is for your husband and you to talk to his mother (and, eventually, his sister) about a more equitable allocation of help with greater attention to his mother’s welfare.
Medical History as Marker of Intimacy
I was married for 39 years. My wife died four years ago. She knew about my clinical depression and was supportive during my weeklong stay on a psychiatric ward 12 years ago. Now, I am in a relationship with a woman I have been dating for two years. I moved into her home recently and put mine on the market. I have been candid with her about my depression, which is largely controlled with medication, but I have not told her about my hospitalization. Must I — even though it may risk the relationship? Or is it too much information?
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