HERE AT MEN’S HEALTH, we talk a whole lot about sex from a penis owner’s perspective: what penile and prostate orgasms feel like; what a blowjob feels like; what being on the receiving end of anal sex feels like.
If you’re looking to have better sex, though, it’s important to understand sex from a women’s perspective, too. If your partner has a vagina, knowing what the act feels like for them just might help you better navigate their pleasure. And who doesn’t want to be better in bed?
So, we asked the experts: what does sex feel like for women?
Does sex feel good for women?
While the experience of sex can vary so much from person to person, Dr. Celeste Holbrook, Ph.D., a sex educator at The Velvet Box, says many women might describe penetrative intercourse as feeling “full,” while clitoral stimulation from oral sex give them a “sensitive fluttering” feeling. Amy Weissfeld, a certified somatic sex educator and coach and founder of the Joyful Self Love Institute, describes sex as “flying on a magic carpet through the universe.”
“We lose ourselves in the experience—we don’t hear what’s going on around us,” says Weissfeld. “There’s a timelessness to it, too. We may be experiencing good sex for a few minutes and it feels like hours.”
According to Katie Schubert, Ph.D., a sex and couples therapist and CEO of Cypress Wellness Center, the physical and emotional feelings that arise during penetrative sex stem from a rush of “feel good” hormones that produce a full-body high for many women. She notes that it’s also common for women to feel warmth downstairs thanks to increased blood flow in the pelvic area.
“While the vagina doesn’t have as many as its show-stopping sister, the clitoris, there are still nerve endings in there,” adds Jodie Milton, relationship and intimacy coach at Practical Intimacy. “However, 90% of them are at the opening of the vagina, so most of the sensation and pleasure happens there. When the clitoris is stimulated during penetration it creates a flow-on effect into the vagina, almost as if it wakes up that area and multiplies the internal sensations.”
But what if she doesn’t orgasm?
While an orgasm can be the cherry on top of an earth-shattering sexual experience, rest assured that sex can still feel pretty awesome regardless of whether a woman finishes (that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and help your partner achieve one, though).
“Some women also find the act of sex as connective, intimate and sensual even if there isn’t an orgasm,” says Holbrook.
Fun fact: according to a 2017 study, only 18% of women claim that vaginal penetration alone is enough to climax—and nearly 37% of women require clitoral stimulation to get there. According to Milton, this largely depends on the individual woman’s anatomy.
“Orgasms are great, but they’re not the main reason we have sex—they’re just an excellent bonus,” adds Milton. “Focusing on orgasms can actually be counterproductive. The more pressure and expectation you put on reaching orgasm, the less likely it is to happen.”
Milton also notes that women tend to report more satisfying sexual experiences when they feel a sense of trust and safety with their partners.
Can sex be painful for women?
Pain during sex is actually pretty common: nearly 3 out of 4 women report having experienced this at some point during their lives.
According to Milton, pain during sex is often caused by too much friction, which happens when the sex is too rough or simply when there’s not enough lubrication. There are two easy solutions for this, though: Don’t rush the foreplay, and don’t be shy about using lube whenever necessary.
“Female bodies need to simmer,” says Weissfeld. “We’re like the pot of water you place on the stove to boil. It takes the average woman 40 minutes to become fully aroused. Most of us are trying to have penetrative sex before we’re ready. You’ll reap the rewards of investing in the time it takes for women to reach full arousal because when it’s fun, we want to have more sex.”
As Milton points out, arousal not only triggers lubrication of the vagina but also gives the cervix a chance to move further away from the vaginal opening—which can help to reduce discomfort with deep penetration.
Pain during sex can also be caused by certain medical conditions, says Holbrook—like ovarian cysts, vaginismus, endometriosis, pelvic floor dysfunction, and pelvic inflammatory disease.
“Depending on the cause, women might feel pain in the vulva, at the opening of the vagina, or deep within the vagina,” explains Milton.
Still curious about what penetrative and oral sex is like for people with vaginas? A quick search on Reddit yields a long list of threads where women have attempted to explain the sensation of P-in-V sex. The fact of the matter is, every vagina is unique, and people experience penetration in very different ways. Some of the women described pressure and warmth; others mentioned stretching and discomfort. The takeaway here is to never assume your partner enjoys repeated thrusting—in fact, there’s a good chance they hate it. The majority of women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax. (See: the women on this list who talked about the wonders of oral sex.) Alas, here’s how 20 women on Reddit described what sex feels like.
20 Women Describe What Sex Feels Like
“Foreplay and communication are needed.”
“PIV feels good. It just doesn’t get me to orgasm. So foreplay and communication are needed. Clit stimulation is an absolute must if I’m going to cum.” —Imabanddork
“It very much depends on the level of intimacy with the partner.”
“It feels great, although not necessarily like heaven on earth (at least not always). Sometimes it’s ‘just’ nice. It very much depends on the level of intimacy with the partner, because even though I practice a lot of casual sex, looking each other in the eyes while having sex is still the most intense connection in the world. It’s very in-the-moment, you’re just focused on your body and your partner and your pleasure. It’s like a whole other part of your brain takes over. I don’t have the words to explain the bodily sensation, but the feeling of getting wetter and wetter and then finally feeling him slowly enter is my favorite moment of it all.” —Tiny European
“It’s like riding on a unicorn.”
“It’s like riding on a unicorn, while the sun sets over the ocean’s horizon, and Morgan Freeman is narrating the entire thing.” —Sphyrnidae96
“It’s like he makes my pussy see stars.”
“It’s all very wet and very warm. The steady pleasure I get when I’m being penetrated and my clit is getting the attention it needs is a tingly warmth that spreads throughout my pussy. When I’m coming, the sensation of that orgasm building inside of me is like a rubber band that‘s getting stretched to its limit—and then it suddenly snaps. Massive explosions of heat and pleasure.
“The other day, my husband asked me what it feels like when he hits my really good spots when we’re going at it. The best way I could describe it was that it’s like he makes my pussy see stars.”—ajesterswife
“The tongue is really soft and wet.”
“[During oral sex], the tongue is really soft and wet, so it feels good, it’s better than fingers (for me). Depending on the technique, it can feel anywhere between okay and amazing. The feeling itself is just a very warm, soft, and wet caress. Sometimes men have beards/stubble, which to me doesn’t feel good because it hurts my skin.” —Desperate_Orange_473
“Good head can make me forget my own name and where I’m at.”
“[Oral sex] feels amazing. Like, super duper amazing. Good head can make me forget my own name and where I’m at. It basically like a nice, soft, warm, wet French kiss on your most sensitive parts. I’m obsessed.” —carpetsandlamps
“The most wonderful, velvety, sweetest sensation that was ever put on this earth.”
“If he knows what he is doing [during oral sex], it is the most wonderful, velvety, sweetest sensation that was ever put on this earth. Most women come easily this way. It’s like a tongue was made for this purpose. You just relax and think evil thoughts and it will be the easiest orgasm you ever had.” —Roskybosky
“Warm, tingling, sharp, shivery, hot.”
“Hmm, well it really depends what kind of sex you’re having but really it feels all sorts of the following: warm, tingling, sharp, shivery, hot, waves of temperature, slowly building from toes to head orgasm or slap you in the face surprise orgasm, soft, wet, hard, sweaty, full, twisting, grinding, sensual…
“Now, if you’re asking what actual penis-entering-vagina actually feels like… hard to explain, but when my husband’s penis actually enters me it’s like pop! Like if you make a popping noise with your finger in your mouth but backwards. I’m not sure if that makes sense. For me, the vagina isn’t a void so when a penis goes from rubbing against my labia to actually entering it’s just pop!, sigh and then the real fun begins.
“Seriously, this is hard to describe. It’s just all sorts of awesome, I guess.” —bananasantos
“Soooo incredibly good.”
“It feels soooo incredibly good, your whole body gets hot and waves of pleasure wash over you. It is amazing.” —rainbownerdsgirl
“I feel filled up and wonderful, like I’m warm all over.”
“If I’m with a guy who isn’t too big or too small then it feels so perfectly right, like this man’s dick was made to be inside me. I feel filled up and wonderful, like I’m warm all over. It just feels right.
“Big dicks kinda feel like they’re stretching me open more, it’s nice in a different way. It’s not going to fit perfectly inside but it’s going to make me feel overly-filled with sensation.
“Smaller dicks are nice because I feel them even if I’m not completely filled up and they don’t stretch me as much so it’s more intimate and I can feel it inside me much more thoroughly than with bigger ones. Like, I can feel where it’s at, what it’s doing at any given time rather than ‘Oh hmm there’s a dick in me.'” —badwolfgoddess
“Warm and wet and a little squishy.”
“There’s this really intense warmth. Literally, as in temperature warmth.
“It’s a kind of hard question to answer physically, it’s like asking what it feels like to kiss someone. It’s warm and wet and a little squishy but it’s so much more than that, just like a kiss, that you can’t really out into words.” —TooManyMeds
“A Q-tip”
“A Q-tip after a shower, times 10.” —HollyHollyHey
“A dizzy tornado of sensations.”
“It feels like a dizzy tornado of sensations and feelings that consume you. You can’t think of anything else. Pleasure builds and once it hits you it keeps coming in waves.” —romancetheriot
“Wrap your mouth … around two of your fingers.”
“Wrap your mouth gently but somewhat tightly around two of your fingers. Slide the fingers in and out. Now, pay attention to how that feels to your mouth, but imagine that your mouth is not only warm and wet but also filled with high-pleasure nerve endings. And that’s still probably not even close. It’s amazing.” —winterwoods
“Deep pressure and a pleasurable electrical jolt.”
“Deep pressure and a pleasurable electrical jolt. If the guy is long enough to hit deep anatomy there’s also another sensation, like a sparkling glittering radiation feeling…” —Unteryn
“I feel stretched and filled.”
“I feel stretched and filled. When I get horny, I feel sort of an aching desire to be filled up, and I desperately want pressure on the inside. I like to be teased so by the time my partner enters me I’m usually pretty far gone. That first thrust all the way in is probably the most amazing. I actually like it so much that sometimes he will pull out completely and make me beg for it again. The thrusting is like applying pressure again and again exactly where I really want it, so every thrust feels…. like relief? As he pulls out I feel myself gripping to pull him back in.
“For me there is also an intense emotional component, at least with my current SO. I feel really close to him emotionally, and we tend to do it in missionary a lot of the time because we like to kiss during, which is possibly the most awesome thing ever. I can literally feel myself getting warmer and wetter and more turned on when his tongue brushes mine. He whispers ‘I love you’ while thrusting in and it’s like….. so many happy hormones flooding my brain.” —dallasdarling
“A wave of full body tingles.”
“For me, it feels like a wave of full body tingles, gradually increasing in intensity. Then the wave crashes and recedes, then builds up again.” —Discodawn
“A little bit like eating when you are very hungry.”
“It’s a very intimate feeling of connection. It’s like the closest you can possibly get to another person. I especially feel that the deeper it goes. Also, during foreplay, I feel like our bodies are in a disordered tangle, but during sex, it feels like everything fits properly finally. It’s also a little bit like eating when you are very hungry. A feeling of physical satisfaction.” —JessicaB224
“A good, sexy kind of pain.”
“The first time the head goes inside, it’s really intense and kind of painful. But it’s a good, sexy kind of pain. It feels like every nerve is just on fire, concentrated in that one spot. But then as he starts thrusting, the pain subsides and the heat spreads throughout my whole lower body.” —euphony618
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